What not to put in your Easter basket

William Donahue of the Catholic League, who must have taken classes in public tantrum-throwing, is not surprisingly denouncing a life-size, anatomically correct sculpture of Jesus made of milk chocolate that will be appearing next week through Easter Sunday in a gallery in New York. "My Sweet Lord" by Cosimo Cavallaro, according to ABC News, apparently lacks a loincloth. Oh dear.

"This is one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever," said Donohue. "It's not just the ugliness of the portrayal, but the timing to choose Holy Week is astounding." Donahue promises to bankrupt the Roger Smith Hotel, which houses the gallery, as well. ABC refers to the Catholic League as a "watchdog group"; the dog in this case is particularly high-strung. Surely one day his head is going to explode. I mean, really, is this the worst EVER?

Not to be outdone, the gallery's creative director was shocked, just shocked, that anyone might take offense, pointing out the the sculpture's appearance during Holy Week was a coincidence (wink, wink--though I guess it's entirely possible). "We're obviously surprised by the overwhelming response and offense people have taken." Come on--surely he didn't say that with a straight face. I mean, it is Jesus in a bar of chocolate.

That said, I think the greatest sin here might be the waste of 200 pounds of high-quality milk chocolate, which offends my gastronomic sensibilities but not my Catholic ones. Besides, why can't chocolate be an appropriate medium for sculpture? Who says Jesus can only be sculpted in marble? Besides, not too long ago I think I posted about a woman who saw the Virgin Mary in chocolate drippings, though no one denounced her as impious for suggesting that Our Lady might be able to manifest herself as a naturally occurring confection. Someone call Catholic League.

As for the sculpture's full frontal "anatomical correctness," let us not forget that the Romans didn't give Jesus the courtesy of a loincloth either.